i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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