Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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