If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
