you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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