He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
FUCK WHALES
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