I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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