Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
