So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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