Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
