kristin has been a bad kristin
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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