I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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