I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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