So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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