im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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