What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
