Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
