So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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