You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize