Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
