i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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