I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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