Please, let me fuck your mom
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
