fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
