yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
