I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
What a dumb baby whore.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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