I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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