i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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