i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
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Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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