shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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