he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
