life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
