I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize