Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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