Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
