areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
