Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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