sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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