ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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