He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
