Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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