Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
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