i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
