is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im holly from the hills drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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