Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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