Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
