Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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