she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
