wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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