Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
