Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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