Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
