Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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