I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
