On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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