FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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