Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
