i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let's get the cat blown out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
