dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're like the curious george of whores
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
