I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
