okay pat passed out under dana's car
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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