3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
