Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
