So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Are we still banned from the library?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
