So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
