if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
this is an emotional support booty call
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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