omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
