I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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