Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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