So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
