Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
