He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
