i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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