This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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