based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
