none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
