You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
