Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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