Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
