he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
