i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
