You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
